I think I’m supposed to know things now.

This month ahead is the transition of all transitions. I will be:

Graduating

Living out of a suitcase

Experiencing every minute I can with the people down here who give me hope

Investing every second in those who’ve lost it

Breathing in and tasting every morsel of Orlando one last time around

Watering my future with the sweat of my brow

Learning how to become a better friend, son, and Christ follower

Learning how to become a man, husband, and a responsible human being

Leaning on people just as much as I hope to be leaned on

Giving away and Surviving on necessities.

Moving near the woman I call home and marrying her

Carving out a trail that I’m scared of now, but will probably look back when it’s through and know the seed I’ve sewn and the trees I’ve planted are reason enough to live this way.

April. I. DARE. you.

Filed under: Life , Choices, Christ, courage, Fear, Future, Graduation, Home, Life, Marriage, Moving, New, Orlando, Responsibility

Content makes poor men rich

I had to have my “Financial Aid Exit Interview” this morning. That’s where you give the school human references and sign the paperwork saying you are aware that you and your family will be hunted like fugitives if you decide not to recoup. The lady who’s job it was to inform me of my deficit seemed depressed, like the loans were hers to pay. If I remember correctly, it started to rain, I stepped in dog poop as I walked out the door, and a kitten was hit by a car.

Debt is real now. I always knew it was there. I’ve been preparing. It’s time to put on the red puffy gloves and face the challenges ahead. It’s time to be confident in my budgeting, freed from the shackles of money, thrifty in my spending, thankful for my blessings, and trusting in my God.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifea?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
- Matthew 6: 25-34

I’m accountable in 6 months to begin repaying politically correct bookies the money I owe them. I’m going into an industry that will soke up my time and my life If I don’t stay awake. I’m marrying a woman who makes it all bearable. I think things are going to be great.

Filed under: Life , Challenges, Debt, Finances, Full Sail University, God, Life, Loans, Matthew 6: 25-34, Quotes, School, Worry

I’m moving on.

I get discouraged when film rolls come back blank. I get frustrated When I misload a camera. When I don’t compensate for this and that. When I do something to ruin something. When hours of visual inspiration seem lost forever.

Then I remember that every time I hold a camera I see the world in a new way. The park benches have a pulse. The buildings are laughing. People are joined together and captured in a moment that can’t be described in words, only through the film negative.

I remember that pictures and art are the most honest, most true remnants of humanity that exist. My chances for a photo today are as good as they were yesterday. And I’m rejuvenated again.

Filed under: Life, Photography , A Whole New World, Camera, History, Life, Memories, Moments, Photography, Pictures

Life is moving fast

I don’t have time to second guess
I don’t have time to hesitate
patience and fear are two different things

It’s time to live
It’s time to drain life to it’s dregs!
down to the sediment in the bowl
a badge of honor for those who fight for it
it’s not filth. it’s celebration confetti.

I believe in will power and the capability I’ve been given
I’m not the strongest, but I’m a dynamo
I’m not the smartest, but I’m qualified to live
whatever else I’m not doesn’t even matter
It doesn’t register!

I will cut down insecurity and realize my potential
it’s been written on my bones like a serial number
like a commemoration stone in the foundation of a building
I have a quantifiable purpose
I have been given a choice

fear is for what isn’t understood
failure was the practice session for the next stage
pain and suffering leave scars
passion and beauty leave marks that are longer lasting

The dragon’s fire
The ogre’s ax
and the witches’ wand
can’t hurt you if you don’t believe in them

Filed under: Life, Poetry , Drained to the Dregs, Hope, Life, Now, Passion, Poetry, Purpose, Shotgun, Strength

“Sex, Economy, Freedom & Community” by Wendell Berry

I love clear definitions and explanations. I like information to be contained within a perfect dichotomy and broken down into pieces for better compartmentalization. And I really dig the organization of thought and ideas. So in a way, Wendell Berry is the Trish, Mark and Matt of Essay writing. He writes in a passionate and effective way that is both comprehensible and meaningful.

I’ve been interested by the topic of true community since I moved down to Orlando almost 2 years ago and became part of a church community who wanted the same thing. Berry has a very unique view on the topic, being both a Stegner fellow at Standford University and a Tobacco farmer in a small Kentucky town. (One of my favorite portions is when he devotes a section of the book to arguing with himself about the controversy of tobacco farming in this day and age.)

But along with community, he digs deeper into similarly important societal issues, such as an honest look at human sexuality and a view of the economy and environment that is much more heartfelt and true than most “Go Green” campaigns.

If you want to see the world in a different light, give Berry a try. If you are willing to metaphorically crack your skull, apply spreaders, and take a deeper look into the way you think about yourself and the world around you, get readin’.

a few excerpts:

“Nobody who understands the history of justice or of the imagination wants to be treated as a member of a category.”

“It is not possible to look at the present condition of our land and people and find support for optimism. We must not fool ourselves. It is altogether conceivable that we may go right along with this business of ‘business,’ with our curious religious faith in technological progress, with our glorification of our own greed and violence always rationalized by our indignation at the greed and violence of others, until our land, our world, and ourselves are utterly destroyed. We know from history that massive human failure is possible. It is foolish to assume that we will save ourselves from any fate that we have made possible simply because we have the conceit to call ourselves Homo sapiens.”

“In the name of honesty and sanity we must recognize the limits of politics. It is, after all, much easier to improve a policy than it is to improve the community the policy attempts to affect. And it is also probable that some changes required by conservation cannot be politically made and that some necessary changes will have to be made by the governed without the help or approval of the government.”

“Most people aren’t using or destroying what they can see. If we cannot see our garbage or the grave we have dug with our energy proxies, then we assume that all is well.”

“Sex, like any other necessary, precious, and volatile power that is commonly held, is everybody’s business. A way must be found to entitle everybody’s legitimate interest in it without either violating its essential privacy or allowing its unrestrained energies to reduce necessary public procedures to the level of a private quarrel. For sexual problems and potentialities that have a more-than-private interest, what is needed are common and shared forms and solutions that are not, in the usual sense, public.”

“Most people apparently see the sexual pretension and posturing of singers, athletes, and movie stars as some kind of high achievement, not the laughable inanity that it really is.”

“The ‘conservatives’ more or less attack homosexuality, abortion, and pornography, and the ‘liberals’ more or less defend them. Neither party will oppose sexual promiscuity. The ‘liberals’ will not oppose promiscuity because they do not wish to appear intolerant of ‘individual liberty’. The ‘conservatives’ will not oppose promiscuity because sexual discipline would reduce the profits of corporations, which in their advertisements and entertainments encourage sexual self-indulgence as a way of selling merchandise.”

Filed under: Literature , Books, Community, Economy, Freedom, Human Sexuality, Life, Literature, Quotes, Reading, Sex, Wendell Berry

Deflated

Do you ever have those moments you wish you could take back?
where the words fell out of your mouth
like playing cards in a magician’s act
where they cut like a switchblade
knowing all the right muscles and tendons to slice through
so that they leave the most damage
and the most pain?

Have you ever turned into something
you’ve only seen before
at the entrance of the deepest, most cavernous
caves of fear and insecurity
that one thing about that one person
that you’ve always
judged
hated
been disgusted with
and sworn you’d never become?

Have you ever broken the trust of those closest to you?
shattered the unwritten code
the golden rule
the basic standards of decency between two human beings
and just stood there
motionless
knowing that you can’t erase the flint slab in your right hand
with the dry cloth in your left hand?

How do you control the ideas and the cravings
of the shadows in the corners of your heart?
They come out and leave you breathless.
They come out and leave you a wasteland.
It requires a change of your insides.
and the older I get the harder the heart transplants become.

Filed under: Poetry , Anger, Ashamed, Broken, Change of Heart, Deflated, Depressing Tag, Embarrassed, Hope for Tomorrow, Poetry, Renewal, Self Destruction, Thoughts

Gifts and Talents – Tony Conyers: Power Lifting

Gifts and Talents – Tony Conyers: Power Lifter from Brent Christy on Vimeo.

I met Tony on a documentary shoot last weekend. The subject of the doc was power lifting, but he couldn’t help but turn the attention back to how Christ saved his life. Tony is hilarious, too! A beautiful character. I wanted to share a small part of his story.

The topic was inspired by the Relent and Respond series by the Status Church Community in Orlando, FL. (www.whatsyourstatus.com)

As usual, clicking the “Personal Project” Category link or searching“Video Post” in my tags will take to you previously posted videos (with a little side information.) You can also take a mouse cursor drag over to the right column to find a direct link to my Vimeo.

Filed under: Personal Projects

The warm, comforting touch of Jerry Orbach

“Law & Order” is a comfort food. It’s macaroni and cheese with a side of mashed potatoes and chocolate ice cream for dessert. It’s not too complex. Don’t get me wrong – there are hard working people that make this show happen. They are part of a complex shooting schedule and have to meet treacherous writing deadlines. By all means they run a tight ship.

The simplicity here is in the story. Opening: Something illegal has happened to someone by someone yet to be known. The police find out, and are on the hunt. Middle: We are thrown off target by someone who looks like they did it, but it was really that other other somebody we saw near the beginning. Closing: The criminal someone is put on trial, and we are left with a moral dilema.

The above is the break down of most storytelling since cavemen and flint chisels. Television shows come and television shows go abiding by that formula. But “Law & Order” still remains. There are millions of “Law & Order” fans around the country. Where is the staying power being harness and generated?

It’s familiar. It’s safe. It’s predictable. Everything to the contrary of my film school training. And upon closer inspection, it’s what I want. I don’t have to worry about Sam Waterson giving plumbing a try. I know that cops with get the robbers.

I’m living a “Law & Order” lifestyle. I want the safe. I want the predictable. Because that would mean I’m in control. That would mean I’m financially secure. That would mean things would pan out the way I intended and I would look smart and savvy.

When will I see true surrender of my badge and baton? It’s more like a hall monitor’s sash anyways.When will I be free from the slavery of money? Being thrifty and cheap is not being chainless.

“Remember the days of old;
consider the years of many generations;
ask your father, and he will show you,
your elders, and they will tell you.
When the Most High gave to the nations their inheritance,
when he divided mankind,
he fixed the borders of the peoples
according to the number of the sons of God.
But the LORD’s portion is his people,
Jacob his allotted heritage.
He found him in a desert land,
and in the howling waste of the wilderness;
he encircled him, he cared for him,
he kept him as the apple of his eye.
Like an eagle that stirs up its nest,
that flutters over its young,
spreading out its wings, catching them,
bearing them on its pinions,
the LORD alone guided him,
no foreign god was with him.”
- Deuteronomy 32: 7-12

Filed under: Life , Comfort, Control, Deuteronomy 32: 7-12, Faith, Fear, Finances, Jerry Orbach, Law and Order, Life, Money Slave, Quotes, Trust

Gran Torino

if I live a life
where I’m very knowledgeable
about handy man type work
and am a decorated war hero
but have failed at creating a
relationship
with my children,
then I’ll have lost my way

I want the walls of small talk
of chit chat
of shooting the bull
to be broken at the mortar wells
and to crumble like a sand castle
in the relationships of my life

Lets throw out the surface level
if the soil is too dry to harvest
lets water the fields of contact
and create a contingency plan
to live together
and to allow one another to be known

Let your daughter know she’s loved.
Let your wife know she’s loved.
Let your father know he’s loved.
Life is over the minute you forget.

Filed under: Movies, Poetry , Clint Eastwood, Family, Gran Torino, Hero, Life, Living, Love, Poetry, Relationships, The Meaning of Life, Time