Gran Torino

if I live a life
where I’m very knowledgeable
about handy man type work
and am a decorated war hero
but have failed at creating a
relationship
with my children,
then I’ll have lost my way

I want the walls of small talk
of chit chat
of shooting the bull
to be broken at the mortar wells
and to crumble like a sand castle
in the relationships of my life

Lets throw out the surface level
if the soil is too dry to harvest
lets water the fields of contact
and create a contingency plan
to live together
and to allow one another to be known

Let your daughter know she’s loved.
Let your wife know she’s loved.
Let your father know he’s loved.
Life is over the minute you forget.

Filed under: Movies, Poetry , Clint Eastwood, Family, Gran Torino, Hero, Life, Living, Love, Poetry, Relationships, The Meaning of Life, Time

Moment of the Week

On Friday around 8:30pm, before we started production the next morning, The two Directors Mike Dalton and Mike Lloyd, and myself sat in the office portion of our set untying shoe laces for a scene later on in the week. Our instructor James walked through the sound stage, and this happened.

James: You guys are still here?

Me: Just making some last minute preparations.

Dalton: Yeah, we’re getting pumped for tomorrow

Lloyd: We’re too excited to do anything else!

James: Well, that’ll change in a few years.

Dalton: I hope not.

(pause)

James: Yeah, me neither.

Filed under: Life, Movies, Whatever , 35mm, Excited, Full Sail University, Good times, Heart, Moment of the Week

Cut out a slab and throw it on the scale

I’m going to see what I’m really made of in the next two months. I’m doing what this guy, this chick, this guy, and this guy do, only with 1/5 of the resources and 1/64 of the head knowledge. It’s our thesis project at school, and it’s for all chips on the table. This won’t define me, but it will mold me. It’s my opportunity to bank or blow.

I’m learning how a film career and a personal life are supposed to intertwine. We’re told at school that a successful career in the film industry requires dedication, commitment, and sacrifice. We have to be sold out and willing to give up anything. Be ready to make a move at the drop of a hat.

I truly want to be good at what I do. I want to be the best. I want fruition and realization. I want savvy and triumph. I want to be competant in my field, and I want to be successful.

I think those are all appropriate things to desire. But when you have a “me first” mentality, you lose perspective and become ignorant. I don’t think human life is at it’s most prosperous when it’s lived for personal gain.

I will work hard for my future and go the extra mile for the team of people I work with. But film will not be my life. I am a Christ follower, a son, a brother, a friend, and a lover first. Film, photography, and graphic design are all personal passions that double as career options. Art will always find it’s way down the water ways of my life, splashing against every sandy bank along the path, leaving it’s erosive impression. But my heart belongs to people and relationships. My heart belongs to love and it’s different shapes and battles. My heart belongs to a God, to a certain girl, to my family, to my brothers.

I think they can live together, but it won’t be easy. I’m preparing to walk the tightrope. I’m preparing to make the mistakes, and to make them over and over again. I’m preparing to walk with purpose and live with integrity. I hope my life speaks of love through the actions I make and the visuals I create. Things can get cloudy fast. I hope I remember it’s not all so black and white.

Filed under: Life, Movies , Balance, Career, Conrad Hall, Ellen Kuras, Family, Film, Future, God, Happiness, Haskell Wexler, How to live, Job, Joy, Life, Love, Meat, Roger Deakins

I’ll never regret this.

The weeks ahead don’t get any less busy. Side jobs out the sides. Creative projects transforming from idea to fruition. Growing responsibilities in every aspect of my life.

Far too often I make the mistake of trading integrity, passion, honesty, humility, motivation, consistency, how I feel, and what I believe – for social standing, fear, what others think of me, how smart I look, personal gain, laziness, hiding my flaws, not standing up for something, and not coming through for somebody.

Half the time I don’t even realize that I’ve arranged to forfeit. And ignorance might be the worst mistake of all.

I’m loved and protected by a God who holds fast, strong, and true. I’ve never felt safer.

From The Message translation. Intended to plant Isaiah 50:7, but I liked the whole batch below:

“The Master, God, opened my ears,
and I didn’t go back to sleep,
didn’t pull the covers back over my head.
I followed orders,
stood there and took it while they beat me,
held steady while they pulled out my beard,
Didn’t dodge their insults,
faced them as they spit in my face.
And the Master, God, stays right there and helps me,
so I’m not disgraced.
Therefore I set my face like flint,
confident that I’ll never regret this.
My champion is right here.
Let’s take our stand together!
Who dares bring suit against me?
Let him try!
Look! the Master, God, is right here.
Who would dare call me guilty?
Look! My accusers are a clothes bin of threadbare
socks and shirts, fodder for moths!”
- Contained in Isaiah 50:4-9

Filed under: Life, Movies, Whatever , Busy, Creativity, Flaws, Forfeiting, God, Ignorance, Integrity, Isaiah 50:7, Mistakes, Passion, Quotes, Regret, Shame, The Message

Like Wall Street, my motivation is experiencing a Bear Market.

Hey there, October! I didn’t even see you over there!

Let me say from experience: Never think you have it figured out. More often then not, things get turned upside-down real quick.

Heading into the editing suite this month to cut up our 16mm school project. I like editing a lot, and hopefully this month I’ll get better at it.

Had dairy and potato chips for the first time in 3 months. Made my stomach feel horrible.

Intentionality in my relationships is what I’m striving for. With Brother, Friend, Acquaintance, and Stranger.

The below lyrics grab seems depressing. But further meditation has just made it ring true in my life.

“Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I’m in a cross

Just because I’m hurting
Doesn’t mean I’m hurt
Doesn’t mean I didn’t get what I deserve
No better and no worse”
- “Lost!” by Coldplay

Filed under: Life, Movies, Music , 16mm, Coldplay, Editing, Intentionality, Motivation, Potato Chips, Quotes, Relationships

Playing pretend

Today was the casting day for my class’s 16mm production. I saw about 35 actors today of all talent shapes and sizes. I basically sat in a room for 6 hours and judged people.

I found myself feeling uneasy. There were times where very timid and nervous people came through our door and just needed some direction on the part they were trying out for. A few people in my group are really good at directing and guiding. I found myself critiquing quietly rather than openly.

And it makes me look at my daily interactions and realize how many broken lives and spirits close to the edge I encounter and silently let pass. You can never take for granted how much a kind word or a seemingly meaningless gesture is worth.

We all need direction from others who have been there. Let your knowledge save a life. And know you need saving yourself.

Filed under: Life, Movies , 16mm, Casting, Direction, Guidance, Knowledge, Salvation, Save a life, Wisdom

Knuckling up for my biggest adventure yet

Collard greens aren’t all that bad uncooked. You just need a little Honey BBQ sauce. It’s cheaper than salad, so I’m going with it.

Fantasy Football, your almost here!

Dairy is terrible for you. Potatoes turn into sugar in your belly. Don’t read while on the toilet. Holistic medicine and nutrition. All interesting concepts I’m looking into.

I’m in it for the long haul. If I stop living with passion, let me know.

Let’s ride bikes sometime.

2nd AC on a 35mm camera tomorrow. I totally load the magazines and slate.

New goal: Take a creative picture every single day. I kind of do that with mobile uploads right now, but I really want it to be a routine now. If I ever stop seeing the colors and beauty in life, let me know.

“The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.”
Albert Schweitzer

“Well, here’s to bravery and the God that made it.”
Michael Dalton

Filed under: Life, Movies , 35mm, Albert Schweitzer, bravery, collard greens, God, knuckling up, michael dalton, Quotes, tragedy of life

I wish my basketball nickname was Vanilla Sky

Bittersweet to be back in Orlando. Back to school and doing what I love, but without Stephanie here.

I would have been back sooner, but none of the 3 of us coming back from Michigan were up for driving through the night, so we snagged a shady hotel for the evening.

I’m a terrible night driver. My will to sleep always overpowers my will to live. I try to give myself extra little scares by swerving to get my adrenaline pumping, but I must be pumping a stronger chemical that is promoting my slumber.

Polaroids, Fireworks, Bros, Family, Lady, Asics, Zucchini bread, Love.

All had last week. All cherished.

I would have this look in my eyes on the court as well.

Filed under: Life, Movies , Asics, Bros, Florida, Love, Michigan, Night Driving, Polaroids, Stephanie, Tom Cruise, Vanilla Sky, Zucchini Bread

I’m not really into crunchy pudding.

I want to be perfect without the effort,
Smart without the knowledge,
Healthy without the strain.
Everyday is a battle.
The fight just starts over again.
It’s like the movie “Groundhog’s Day” only not as fun.

I want to fight the good fight.
Love without conditions.
Think before acting.
Stand up for truth.
I fail at all of these things lately.

Lord, give me perseverance and strength.

“My Enemies Are Men Like Me”
By: Derek Webb

(vs. 1)
i have come to give you life
and to show you how to live it
i have come to make things right
to heal their ears and show you how to forgive them

(pre-chorus)
because i would rather die
i would rather die
i would rather die
than to take your life

(chorus)
how can i kill the ones i’m supposed to love
my enemies are men like me
i will protest the sword if it’s not wielded well
my enemies are men like me

(vs. 2)
peace by way of war is like purity by way of fornication
it’s like telling someone murder is wrong
and then showing them by way of execution

(pre-chorus)

(chorus)

(bridge)
when justice is bought and sold just like weapons of war
the ones who always pay are the poorest of the poor

(chorus)

“Get Smart” was actually a good movie.
“L.A. Confidential” has made it into my top movies.
“Don’t Mess with the Zohan” should not be a movie.

Filed under: Life, Movies, Whatever , Battle, bravery, courage, Crunchy Pudding, Derek Webb, Don't Mess with the Zohan, Get Smart, L.A. Confidential, Love, Quotes