My legs are an infinite sunrise

I’ve seen some sunsets come and go this week.

some nights they carried down the sounds of laughter and revival with them
as if the the Sun were a young boy jumping off of the park slide
and the noise were helium permeated balloons
I could hear it fade out like in the movies
the picnic table outside my sister’s apartment was a throne
and I got a front row seat to consummation and credibility

other nights they left me without saying goodbye
I found the sky empty when I walked outside
I felt the paranoia of nothing accomplished
of hearing 99 no’s, and the 100th answer still being no
brimming with fear and shame that I wasn’t worth it
that time was wasted
that a life had taken the wrong path

every one of those days I lived a year within a Sun’s journey east to west
I found my path
set course
and came to a conclusion in the realm of my mind
how can I trust my mind?
I’m Superman in there.
I pass through walls
I’m a muscular physical specimen
I fight the daily injustices of those who combat my self-absorption
how can I trust my mind?

the steps I take and the rules I break
the actions perpetrated for good or evil
aren’t erasable
they are my future
my anxious spirit can only take me so far
the will of my heart and my Foundation
the Strengths found outside my own power
are where restoration and progress lead

my legs are an infinite sunrise
the pilgrimage toward change and wholeness
is a weary trek where new beginnings are always possible
my God is an effectuate sunset
the One who sees me
the Wealthy Riverbed where sturdy timber grows
the promise of tomorrow
and peace where the future is unknown

Filed under: Poetry , Failure, Faith, God, Heart, Peace, Promise, Sun, Sunrise, Sunset, Will

Good friends doing good things: To Open Your Eyes

A lot of our mutual friends have been posting blog write ups about this project, and I’m long overdue in publicly supporting these men of honor. I’m now a poser and on the street team.

To Open Your Eyes consists of Michael Dalton and Matt Addington, two solid bros from Orlando, FL with a heart for change and the vision to be that change. They’ve been working with the Preemptive Love Coalition documenting the lives of 5 Iraqi children and their families as they travel from Sulaymaniyah, Iraq to Istanbul, Turkey for a heart surgery that they desperately need.

I’ve said too much already. Get over to their respective web pages and enjoy Matt’s stark, colorful photography and Mike’s leading, eye catching videography. If you didn’t follow the hyperlink’s along the way up top, here they are again in the oldschool Myspace banner format:

Filed under: Good friends doing good things, Life , Buy Shoes Save Lives, courage, Dreamery Films, Florida, Foster Addington Photography, Heart, Iraq, Istanbul, Matt Addington, michael dalton, Orlando, Preemptive Love Coalition, Sulaymaniyah, To Open Your Eyes, Turkey

The Ultimate Fiance Challenge

Penn's List by carissabyers on Flickr

Here is me the next 3 months:

- Writing Invitations and Thank You notes
- Pre-Marital Counseling
- The well of my loan repayment grace period drying up
- Weddings, Commercials, Concerts, ________ , (fill in with another video job)
- Finding that Feature film
- Finding an apartment around Grand Rapids
– Finding a praying/biking/eating/sleeping routine again

- Catching up with people that have been a part of my life in one way or another
- Learning how to live on less
- Settling my stomach
- Uniting my life with another
- Keeping my word
- Changing perspective
- Manning up
- Throwing down
- Fear left
- Getting right

After the Boys of Summer have gone, that is.

Filed under: Life , Boys of Summer, Check List, Faith, Heart, How to, Manning Up, Ultimate Fiance Challenge

Let the tug at your heart pull you there

Filed under: Life, Whatever , Comfort Zone, Cost, courage, Heart, Life, Love

Mom

To a woman who defines selflessness
and has never spoken an ill word of me or my sister,
Who has been an underdog her whole life
but ironically is the first out of the gate
and the strongest competitor,
To a woman who has;
trusted and been let down,
loved and lost,
suffered and persevered,
To a woman who’s heart has been broken seven times over
and keeps it split open so more love can fit in,
To a woman whose footprints leave
roses and laughter and wisdom and warmth,
Who has softly lead armies of faithful and awestruck
championing long nights spent planning proms, field trips and summer camps,
Who has ferociously protected her offspring with predatory cunning
devouring those who dare cross her family,
To a woman who is secretly one of the smartest people alive
and doesn’t care if anyone knows,
To a woman who has given up her life so that I could have one
Who would drop any duty to come to my rescue
Who would forfeit the golden streets of heaven
to trade places with me in the sour dungeons of hell,
I hope I am brave enough to take risks like you have taken.
I hope I truthfully represent the great legacy you are paving.
I hope I live a life worthy of the price you put on it.
I love you, Mom.

Filed under: Life , Champion, Compassion, courage, Greatness, Heart, Mom, Mother's Day, Woman

Moment of the Week

On Friday around 8:30pm, before we started production the next morning, The two Directors Mike Dalton and Mike Lloyd, and myself sat in the office portion of our set untying shoe laces for a scene later on in the week. Our instructor James walked through the sound stage, and this happened.

James: You guys are still here?

Me: Just making some last minute preparations.

Dalton: Yeah, we’re getting pumped for tomorrow

Lloyd: We’re too excited to do anything else!

James: Well, that’ll change in a few years.

Dalton: I hope not.

(pause)

James: Yeah, me neither.

Filed under: Life, Movies, Whatever , 35mm, Excited, Full Sail University, Good times, Heart, Moment of the Week

Set Your Goals

I want to be sufficient. To be what’s needed without being in excess. I want to get down to the core and break out of this crocodile skin covered comatose. I want to live in a way where I don’t need New Year’s resolutions because I’m proud of the way I lived the year before.

Less want, more do.

Friends getting married. A thesis project coming to acme. The future is around the bend, and I don’t know if my plans are my plans alone or if they will sync up with a greater Will. I pray for guidance, fortitude, purpose, and obedience.

Lord, let me finish well.

“It’s not important what you feel. In fact, it’s utterly unimportant what you feel. It’s only important what you do.”
– Michael’s Law Professor in “The Reader”

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”
– Proverbs 16:9

Filed under: Life , courage, Faith, Fortitude, Goals, God, Guidance, Heart, Obedience, Quotes, Set Your Goals

The Remembering Place

The other night we sat in the corner of a frigid, long walled basement. There could be a drop ceiling there one day, but for now it’s just 1st floor support beams that just kind of stare and take a quadratic shape. I imagine an orangutan could swing from board to board and never get bored.

A couch, a coffee table, two recliner looking chairs that don’t really recline, a folding chair, and an ottoman. Each one filled and supporting a person or three. These inanimate objects might have never served a better purpose, might have never been more important than the way they were tonight. For all we know these seats and this setting could have been hand crafted by some factory owner’s blue print, or by some grandfatherly old guy with bifocals in a hand made furniture store who loved what he did. And all this person wanted was to create a comfortable commode to be used only for the furthering of conversation, the strengthening of friendship, and the revival of life situations that linked seven people in history. The furnisher might have had this all in the plans; to create a warm, suitable remembering place.

It doesn’t matter if this was the actual ground plan or not for this frigid, long walled basement corner. We didn’t spend our evening looking for a place with those specifications and measurements. We lived our lives in a way that wherever we stopped to remember, that would be the place deemed worthy just because we were there.

Together again. 4 friends separated by city and state in the past two years, now only separated by inches and feet. There is no need for reintroductions or recaps. We are complacent in the good definition. No time has ever really passed. 3 others were granted permission and passage to our adventures, now being sealed in time as part of a new one. They are equals with us now, expected to follow the unwritten code that binds them, yet frees them to create the same environment with the people they are closest to in their own lives.

Belly laughs that last all but 7 seconds, but feel like they should be explained as lasting 10 minutes long because of their breadth and magnitude. Hand motions and physical demonstrations to better chronicle the memoirs, a sort of pictionary with air particles and molecules. Explanations, examinations, evaluations, exaggerations, exaltations, and the ramifications. Jeweled crowns, badges of honor, slices of humble pie.

Friends dusting off the sturdy pillars of trust and confidence they’ve built over a life time of experiences. Friends revealing the true vitality of their alliance, and their intentions to continue to carry it out. Friends with brawny and stalwart hearts, able to bear the weight of relationships this strong and true.

Filed under: Poetry, Whatever , Basement, Friendship, Fun, Heart, Home, Laughter, Long Talks, Orangutan, Party, Pictionary, Remember, Reminiscing, Strength, Strong, Trust

Today’s Forecast: Heavy Brainstorms

Hurricane Fay is coming to Central Florida. I’m about to experience my first hurricane. I’ve read predictions ranging from 50 – 80 mph winds. Don’t open your windows. Don’t stand outside. Check on both of those.

A few more weddings coming up this year. I love ‘em.

The pages of my little red book of ideas have been blowin’ up lately. The beauty around me is soaking in.

Here’s to discipline, heart, and courage this week.

“I cannot advance an inch without praying my way, nor keep the inch I gained without watching and standing fast.”
– Charles Spurgeon

Filed under: Life , Brainstorms, courage, Discipline, Florida, Heart, Hurricane Fay, Ideas, Little Red Book, Quotes, Weddings

Reality wont hurt (well, any longer than it should)

I like her. I like her alot (in “Dumb and Dumber” voice). She makes me talk too much. and her laugh feels like home.And her heart is the size of New Jersey, compared to other hearts which may only rival mere cities.

I’m going in the right direction. Relationship or not, Physically succeeding or not, my heart is facing the right direction. Am I ready for the sacrifices? The right direction is a start. Blazing the trail is the task. What am I really made of?

Filed under: Whatever , action, Dumb and Dumber, Heart, Laughter, Love, Sacrifice, Stephanie, Substance, What am I made of?