I don’t want you to feel that way ever again.

I don’t want you to feel that way again
Ever.
May the tires of my bike deflate
and the laptop in my backpack brake
and the money in my bank account dry up
and the food in my kitchen spoil
and the people I know throw me out
and the safety I know be forfeited
and my hands and arms fold up
and my feet and legs curl up
and my breathing be cut short into gasps
and my eyes directed to the sky
If I ever make you feel
unloved
again.

May tragedy be my alarm clock
let me be thrown into catastrophy
and be reminded of what I am.
Let every ignorant ounce of my body
stand up and be counted
and be drained
to be heeded as caution
when I’m walking a path of
selfishness
pride
laziness
dispondency
selfishness
callowness
disregard
selfishness
obliviousness
selfishness
selfishness
selfishness
selfishness.

Let me always be thankful
for the once in a lifetime love you give
and the once in a lifetime hugs you give
and the once in a lifetime laughs you carry
and the once in a lifetime touch you wield
and the once in a lifetime heart you clench
and the once in a lifetime lips I’ve caressed
and the once in a lifetime passion you possess
and the once in a lifetime vulnerability you lay bare

I’ve wasted so much time
and I deserve to pay
let my first payment
be spending my time loving the life you live
and the love you give
and celebrating the person who you are.
and holding you up to those watching and when no one is looking
and breaking the bonds of egomania that tie me tight

Let my repetition stand as a notice
of nervous shame
of desperate pleading
of an honest pursuit
of hope and discovery
of passion and ambition
of a cost counted
of a danger indicated
of a life adventure with you
made known by my infatuation
and commitment
and the life long journey I hereby surrender

Filed under: Poetry , Change, Desire, Forgiveness, Ignorance, Passion, Poetry, Remorse, Repentence

The Priviledge of Waiting

Yesterday Semoran Blvd. was backed up.
It’s always backed up.
Every lane
bumper to bumper
heal to toe
It’s like that feeling when someone
is in your personal space bubble.
People need to move
this line needs to move
it’s too crowded
We’ve got important places to go
We’ve got important people to see
My priorities supersede anything these other people
in the exact same position as me
need to do.
And my priority is to get to point B when I want to.

As we creep forward
the southbound lane has disappeared
a traffic rapture
ghost lanes
lonely road dashes
There’s that Taco Bell/Pizza Hut express.
and flashing lights everywhere
Someone’s SUV has been crushed to pieces
Someone is not so worried about their point B
or anyone elses’s point B

Ripped
Thrashed
Torn
adjectives not meant for metal things
but they describe the state of this vehicle pretty well.

A gray SUV
doorless
windowless
windsheildless
sits mangled at the end of a driveway, out in the street
the accident investigators are holding up traffic for miles
and some Daughter isn’t coming home
or some Brother won’t make it to another Brother’s for the basketball game
or some Wife won’t show up to dinner with her Husband of 13 years
or some Grandson won’t make it to clean his Grandmother’s basement
or some Girlfriend won’t make it back to her Boyfriends’ place after their big fight

And we finally pass through.
the speed picks up
normal driving boundaries are maintained
and our lives go on
The southbound lanes are clogged for miles ahead
and they won’t make it to their destination this route.
a lot of people will probably miss their flights to the airport
probably be late to dinner with friends
maybe not get their groceries as fast as they would have like to have

The traffic police will conduct them towards detours down other roads
and they may never know the privilege they have in still
being able to do so.

Filed under: Life, Poetry , Death, Destinations, Ignorance, Life, Patience, Traffic, Waiting

I’ll never regret this.

The weeks ahead don’t get any less busy. Side jobs out the sides. Creative projects transforming from idea to fruition. Growing responsibilities in every aspect of my life.

Far too often I make the mistake of trading integrity, passion, honesty, humility, motivation, consistency, how I feel, and what I believe – for social standing, fear, what others think of me, how smart I look, personal gain, laziness, hiding my flaws, not standing up for something, and not coming through for somebody.

Half the time I don’t even realize that I’ve arranged to forfeit. And ignorance might be the worst mistake of all.

I’m loved and protected by a God who holds fast, strong, and true. I’ve never felt safer.

From The Message translation. Intended to plant Isaiah 50:7, but I liked the whole batch below:

“The Master, God, opened my ears,
and I didn’t go back to sleep,
didn’t pull the covers back over my head.
I followed orders,
stood there and took it while they beat me,
held steady while they pulled out my beard,
Didn’t dodge their insults,
faced them as they spit in my face.
And the Master, God, stays right there and helps me,
so I’m not disgraced.
Therefore I set my face like flint,
confident that I’ll never regret this.
My champion is right here.
Let’s take our stand together!
Who dares bring suit against me?
Let him try!
Look! the Master, God, is right here.
Who would dare call me guilty?
Look! My accusers are a clothes bin of threadbare
socks and shirts, fodder for moths!”
- Contained in Isaiah 50:4-9

Filed under: Life, Movies, Whatever , Busy, Creativity, Flaws, Forfeiting, God, Ignorance, Integrity, Isaiah 50:7, Mistakes, Passion, Quotes, Regret, Shame, The Message

Someone show me a hole in this cycle

I’m finding day by day there is no excuse for ignorance in any circumstance.

Filed under: Whatever , Ignorance, Searching, The Cycle