Ermey v.s. Ghandi

The film industry can be tiring. You work long days with other people who work long days. And it gets tense. Time is a commodity in high demand because there is never enough. And the movie business feels every penny pinched when you can break down a budget to how many thousands of dollars you waste every second you wait for a light to be set up or a camera to be built or an actor to sober up. With all that in mind, it’s easy to see why hot heads live on the front burner of the production oven, and why so many people in charge run things strictly and angrily militant.

A lot of guys I’ve worked or studied under seem to run things like R. Lee Ermey, that guy who suffers from voice immodulation and played a drill sergeant in “Full Metal Jacket”, as well as a drill sergeant in dozens of other movies, and for the first 20 years of his acting career (as well as being one in real life before the acting gig.) The way to get things done is to rule by fear. Verbally question the competence, intelligence, and ability of your underlings. Rarely compliment, but when you do, do so in an ambiguous way.

But it’s effective. Orders are followed. No one wants to be that one guy who screwed it up. So everyone works harder. And as much as the crew talks about how they hate the yelling, they come out better people in the end, and know what a hard days work feels like.

There are celebrities with similar traits. Simon Cowell. Chef Gordon Ramsey. Dr. Gregory House. All guys who come of as pompous and egomaniacal,  but are geniuses in their own right. (Come on, there has to be a real House somewhere in the world.) Guys who work by toughness and belittlement, but have that glimmer of kindness that squeaks it’s way through the slivers and cracks.

Is that how your supposed to lead? Does more get done when people are pushed to their limits, having a physical person to fear or hate that distracts them from the difficult tasks at hand?

What about people like Mohandas Ghandi and Mother Theresa? Those people who lead through quiet action, yet when they did speak it was like a spiral decaled pendulum swinging in front of your face; you can’t turn away and you can’t help but be mesmerized. It’s so radically gentle.

I think Jesus Christ was the perfect mix of lion and lamb. He thought through his actions and put an exclamation point down when needed (John 2:15), He knew when he needed time away to replenish (Luke 22:42) and He was confident and bold (John 8:12-30).

I don’t know where I lie in all of this. My strengths and weaknesses have shown up in clear view during my thesis project. I was in a position of authority on our set (whatever that means in a peer environment) and I learned a ton. I learned about my meekness and lack of defense. I learned about how I treated people, and the consequences of unclear communication.

I think it comes back to balance. Knowing when to be affable, when to be tenacious, and living in compassion the whole way. You gain support and you gain opposition. You screw up, and you admit it. At least that’s a starting point.

Filed under: Life , Balance, Chef Gordon Ramsey, courage, Film, Film Industry, Jesus Christ, Leadership, Life, Mohandas Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Movie Business, R. Lee Ermey, Simon Cowell

My paper mache shield and styrofoam sword

I’m so hungry for, and jealous of, and striving towards, and failing in: bravery.

The weight of courage is something my back isn’t used to carrying. I grew up fairly unchallenged in opinion or reasoning, and I reciprocated the non provocation. I think I remain to be truly tested. I don’t mean that I’ve faced many tests and there isn’t a worthy adversary, I mean that I haven’t had to get my hands dirty, my knees scrapped, my elbows bruised fighting for what I feel is right.

And part of it is this machismo that I need to get out of my head and heart. There is still a wounded piece of me that needs me to prove myself to it, to show that I am really a man. And that’s all false. Manhood has nothing to do with muscles and medals.

The kind of courage I want to grow is the kind that can be honest with a friend about his/her vision blinding issues. To love someone enough to do whats right by them, not what’s nice. Not just leaving someone alone because I would be bothering them otherwise.

To have the guts to own my convictions and opinions when they aren’t popular, and the the same amount of guts to know when I’ve made a mistake.

To have the passionate tenacity to stand up for those who are bullied, belittled and forgotten. To be battered and battle ravaged when the wolves come, and take pride in the moment knowing they failed at taking with them what they wanted.

But this isn’t a journey by myself. “I can do all things in Christ, who strengthens me.” He is the heart changer and ego breaker, and I’m in need of brokenness and change.

Filed under: Life , bravery, Brokenness, Convictions, courage, God, Guts, Jesus Christ, Journey, Love, manhood, Opinion, Passion, Tenacity

10 Embarrasing facts about me

To ride on the coattails of my last post on Freedom, I feel like I need some liberation in my life in the area of pride. It’s a layer I’ve never been able to fully peel off. It’s dead skin I’ve never been able to shed away after a season.

I’m fairly confident in myself and I trust my abilities to be able to stay alive in this world. I don’t get embarrassed very easily. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I care about what you think. I think I don’t, but I do.

What should I have to hide? I want to be a man of integrity, to have substance. I am a follower of Jesus Christ, and want to be held accountable. On the flip side, I like to make you laugh and feel good, so this post has a whole other agenda (but that’s another topic)

So to commemorate a change I want see in my life, here’s to my vanity, egocentrism and self gratifying ways. Here are 10 things that could be considered embarrassing about myself.

1) I pooped my pants in JC Penney’s when I was 11.

2) Guns. Alcohol. Cars. Possibly the 3 manliest things on earth. I don’t know a single thing about brand names, models, using them or fixing them.

3) I pick my nose

4) I grow beards sometimes, but they aren’t really that full. And they are red and blonde and patchy.

5) I was convinced root beer was flammable for about 3 hours one night. I was about 15.

6) During a late night driving home from a concert, I ran over an already deceased deer.

7) I get very angry playing video games. I care about them more than I should.

8 ) One time in the 7th grade I had to write a book report. I had 5 weeks to do it. I didn’t do it.
When the due date came, I just grabbed “The Hobbit” by J.R.R. Tolkien off the shelf at home because My dad read it to us when we were little. I knew it pretty well, I thought.
The time came for me to get up in front of the class and give my report. I talked alot.
When I was finished, my teacher just laid the hammer down and asked me all these questions about it. Turns out it was her favorite novel, and she knew everything about it.

9) I am O.C.D. about cleaning. I’m not afraid of germs, I just like vectors and to be karmic and have “Feng Shui” I guess,

10) I’m emotional and have pouty moods. Yes. I’m in my 20’s and I pout sometimes.

Yikes. That’s 10 at least. Add some good stories in the comments if you’ve lived them. Your welcome to make one up about me if it’s really good.

Filed under: Life , embarrasing, embarrasment, Freedom, God, J.R.R. Tolkien, Jesus Christ, manhood, O.C.D., pick my nose, pooped my pants

Love in plaster

I have been so selfish lately, putting my wants and needs before my families needs. Especially on a day like today, in rememberance of Jesus Christ’s life, the ultimate symbol of unselfishness and love. It scares me how quickly I’m able to forget Christ’s sacrifice for our lives, no matter how much you may study the topic or believe in it, you are still going to fail.

I’m so sorry.

Filed under: Whatever , Faith, God, Jesus Christ, Love, Sacrifice, Selfish

The war on war

“Why blame the dark for being dark? It’s far more helpful to ask why the light isn’t as bright as it should be” -Rob Bell

Jesus, save me from myself tonight

Filed under: Whatever , God, Good and Evil, Jesus Christ, Quotes, Rob Bell

You can lead a horse to water, but making him drink is another mountain

Paul McCartney turns 64 this coming year. I wonder what he’ll be thinking that day, and I wonder how different it will be from what he was thinking when he wrote the song “When I’m 64″ about 40 years ago. I hope he’s happy. He’s the richest musician in the history of history. I wonder if that even counts for anything to him. I hope there are people in his life that really love him and make him realize that without them his millions are toilet paper and his status is yesterday (when all his troubles seemed so far away).

Last week, Mark, Joe and I were on air at the college radio station (WSGR 91.3, St. Clair County Community College’s own FM station) and we were talking about an article in the Erie Square Gazette about morality and religion, and the question came up “Does morality stem from religion?” and I think the answer is no. Religion is just a man made system to praise God. Morality stems from God, as we are granted the choice between good and evil at birth. Although I feel religion is important, I think it’s moreso guidelines as how to worship Christ and build a relationship with Him, not a crutch.

I’m not right about things. And I think it’s good for me to know that. I do think love conquers all though. I think I can stand by that. And that no one is an “idiot” or “stupid” as a defining characteristic, that we all have moments of unclarity and clumsitude. Love your neighbor as yourself goes a long way.

How do you like that? Three seperate posts and one made up word all in one!

Filed under: Whatever , action, College, Erie Square Gazette, God, Jesus Christ, Love, Music, Paul McCartney, Religion, When I'm 64, WSGR 91.3

So much for “so much more”

I wanna love.

I wanna give money to a homeless guy without thinking twice about whether or not he’s gonna use it for his next drink. I wanna remember that behind that homeless person is a man or woman that used to be a boy or girl.

I wanna love unconditionally. I wanna be the father, brother, friend of the prodigal son, waiting for that moment I see my boy, my brother, my friend, finally come home and truley cry and hold them like a day never went by between the heartache and before.

I wanna take the time for everyone, whether I’m late for something “important” or not; there are too many broken voices and not enough open ears.

I wanna remember every third-world boy and girl and man and woman, every day, and know that I don’t deserve to be a an american. (a spoiled american)

I wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna

I wanna quit saying “I wanna” and start saying “I did”

I’m going to Bomako, Africa this August to help build a school and show people the love of Jesus Christ. In my spare time I’ll be documenting as much footage as I can making a film, so those who want to remember can.

I love you. Yes you.

Filed under: Whatever , action, Africa, Charity, Family, Friends, God, Jesus Christ, Lazy, Love, Poverty, Slacker