Firestarter

I’ve been in a white walled cocoon for the past two weeks. My face has a light blue hue from all the time spent in front of a monitor editing video, proofreading resume drafts, and lifting up search result hyperlink rocks in Google to find production companies and odd jobs. My computer runs on AC/DC. My body runs on water/oatmeal.

Budgeting gets real. Every quarter is step closer to rent. My current situation doesn’t fit comfortably into a Dave Ramsey book, but I’m richer than 89 percent of Earth’s population. I was born into responsibility to contribute locally and globally. I need to keep perspective.

I haven’t made the time to get out of this packing crate often enough. I think some inspiration has been squashed due to the cabin fever. My bike is here now, so that will help. I’m awakened creatively in motion and out of doors. But sometimes you just have to take the blinders off and see what your not seeing in the other places.

Some footnotes:
- I have a place to life with my wife in the fall
- Some super good film people in West Michigan. I’m excited to meet some more on a few more projects this month
- Concert gigs are happening for me right now. We’ll see what comes of that
- it seems like celebrity Christianity is almost always a train wreck.
- My Red Wings lost the Stanley Cup
- Nutritious food is expensive
- I really enjoyed the movie “Traitor”. It was advertised completely different than it’s true content. Probably because it’s about Islam.
- We won’t have t.v. or the internet in our apartment, and it’s a great thing
- I’m thankful for music.

“The deeds of faithless men I hate;
they will not cling to me.
Men of perverse heart shall be far from me;
I will have nothing to do with evil.

Whoever slanders his neighbor in secret,
him will I put to silence;
whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart,
him will I not endure.

My eyes will be on the faithful in the land,
that they may dwell with me;
he whose walk is blameless
will minister to me.”
– Psalm 101:3-6

Filed under: Life , Dave Ramsey, Finances, Jobs, Life, Love, Poor, Psalm 101:3-6, Red Wings, Rich, Stephanie, Wife

Triumph of the Will

I wasn’t sure what day it was until about 15 minutes ago when I logged onto my computer. I’ve been working 16 and 11 hour days on a sweet film crew this week. Sleep becomes so necessary in these times. I don’t remember falling into slumber the night before though. It’s almost like being in a coma. Time just kind of passed while I was gone. While that sounds depressing, (or maybe it sounds like sleep) it’s actually a killer deal. Making movies and telling stories is enough.

I teared up the other day just thinking about all the joy breathing, life sparking, and heart warming people I’ll be leaving behind in less than 2 weeks. Orlando has been such a huge segment of my life. These 2 years have molded, shaped, trimmed, and severed.

I’m leaving with a better understanding of my life as a whole. I’m cherishing the quiet times. (If you don’t take at least and hour away from technology, then re-evaluate.) I saw what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus Christ, and who I want to be as a man. I wussed out of confrontation and decision making time and time again, and I manned up and stood tall more than I ever have before.

I’m coming back into the arms of my woman, my heartbeat, the person who can’t even be described in a dream because she’s so vivid. I will marry her, and I will sustain her, and I will revere her, and I will value her, and I will get all of those things wrong so many times, and I will come back even harder the next time in hopes of honoring and respecting her.

I’m coming back to stay with my parents for a week or two before I move to the west side of Michigan. I’m going on a road trip with my Mom. Maybe a semi-truck outing with my Dad. Then I’m off to a new beginning. My sister lives in Grand Rapids now, and it feels good to know I can be there for her to call when she needs a spider evacuated or an appliance figured out.

If I stand still long enough in fear, I’ll have missed the point. If I stand still long enough in reverence, I won’t be able to hide the smile the leaks out what my heart is saying: I’ve lived a fortunate life that I don’t deserve.

Filed under: Life , Stephanie, Florida, Michigan, Dad, Mom, Life, Orlando, Moving, Grand Rapids, Nikki, Sister, Wife, Sleep, Working hard, Comatose, Revelry, Reverence, Romance

Barnes & Noble Photoshoot

Steph and I took these photos over Christmas Break.

I don’t know why we chose Barnes & Nobles. It’s definetly our 2nd favorite store, right behind Target. It was super cold that day too, so shelter was accepted.

We found Steph’s Dad’s old Pentax ME-Super. And we loaded it with 800 ASA film. And we had a blast. Steph is getting into photography now. I think she’s amazing.

Filed under: Photography , 35mm, Barnes & Noble, Barnes and Noble, Christmas, Coffee, Film, Pentax ME-Super, Photography, Stephanie

Here’s to next week.

For some reason G.K. Chesterton has been coming up in my life a lot lately. I have his book “Orthodoxy” chillin’ on my shelf. Guess it’s going to move up my read list faster.

Filled in spirit, and Broken in spirit. Burdened by emotions, and Freed by emotions. The opposites are coming together in the most beautiful ways.

Was in Michigan for a second. I didn’t even have to eat or sleep over my 38 hour stay. I was sustained by this beauty:

I’m sorry I’m more prideful and selfish than humble and compassionate. Every step forward is followed by a scared and uncertain retraction back to the beginning. It’s like walking a tightrope. And I’ve never been well balanced.

Filed under: Life , Balance, Broken, Burdened, Emotions, Filled, G.K.Chesterton, Humble, Michigan, Orthodoxy, Stephanie

A year in Florida

What an incredible piece of my life. My time in “The City Beautiful” has been heart molding, brain burning and spirit strengthening.

The Girl——————————
Before I left, I was in a relationship that was getting serious. I knew I was in love, and wanted to be with this funny, gorgeous, joy bringing, heart stopping, level headed, maturely immature beauty.

At the same time, I knew this was my opportunity to follow my dream. To make something happen. To make a difference. To find out what I’m really made of.

I had to go. But I couldn’t let this once-in-a-lifetime chick go either. She was too good to pass on. I selfishly took both. We tried to make it work.

…and it has! We’ve grown together in ways we never could have in other circumstances. We’ve built a relationship on the heart things that matter. And I’m still in love with her.

The Growth————————-
New brothers in my life. Old brothers still around. Understanding how to be a better person, and how to have a positive contribution to this world. Understanding what courage is, what compassion is, what manhood is. Understand who God is, what His will is, and what His will is not.

No human event or circumstance is pure black and white. There is always a gray area, always a factor or an experience that someone else has had that is part of why they do what they do, and what makes them who they are.

Taking the time to look at every perspective and to walk, run, and jump in someone else Nike’s can make all the difference. It’s all the more reason not to judge. Because we just can’t.

Trustworthy, graceful, merciful, forgiving, compassionate, courageous, loving, wise. All words that I want to be my life adjectives.

The Graduate——————–
The reason I’m 2000 miles away from the girl I love and the comfort zone I knew.

I’ve always loved storytelling and visuals. Learning how to translate that into f-stops and amperage is the road I’m traveling. Film, Graphic Design, Broadcast Television, Music, Video, Electronics, any medium of Media. I want to be good at them all. And I’ve taken steps forward this year.

Thanks Orlando. Thanks Bros and Chicks. Thanks Blogs. Here’s to the years ahead.

“I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts. ” -Isaiah 57:15

Is your love really Love?
Is my love really Love?
I think our love isn’t Love,
Unless it’s Love to the end.

Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn’t God,
If he fits inside our heads.
- Clouds by As Cities Burn

Filed under: Life, Music , As Cities Burn, courage, Florida, Full Sail University, God, Isaiah 57:15, Love, Quotes, Stephanie, Wisdom

I wish my basketball nickname was Vanilla Sky

Bittersweet to be back in Orlando. Back to school and doing what I love, but without Stephanie here.

I would have been back sooner, but none of the 3 of us coming back from Michigan were up for driving through the night, so we snagged a shady hotel for the evening.

I’m a terrible night driver. My will to sleep always overpowers my will to live. I try to give myself extra little scares by swerving to get my adrenaline pumping, but I must be pumping a stronger chemical that is promoting my slumber.

Polaroids, Fireworks, Bros, Family, Lady, Asics, Zucchini bread, Love.

All had last week. All cherished.

I would have this look in my eyes on the court as well.

Filed under: Life, Movies , Asics, Bros, Florida, Love, Michigan, Night Driving, Polaroids, Stephanie, Tom Cruise, Vanilla Sky, Zucchini Bread

I’m working on a magic trick where I punch everyone in the world at once

Thanks for the title Donny Miller.

Happy February!

Ryan and I tested out the pool today. The outside temperature was 79 degrees. The pool temperature was not. It was a quick dip.

“The Last Temptation of Christ” is a crazy movie.

Stephanie is my favorite.

Filed under: Whatever , Donny Miller, february, Magic Tricks, pool, Stephanie, swimming, The Last Temptation of Christ

Try to catch me riding dirty

I am who I am. Doug’s right ( and God for that matter), no matter what the stakes, no matter who believes in you or doesn’t, no matter the odds, faith and knowing who you are is how you come up on top.

A new month, a new season, another chance to get it right.

I think I’m in like!

Filed under: Whatever , Change, Faith, God, Love, Stephanie

Reality wont hurt (well, any longer than it should)

I like her. I like her alot (in “Dumb and Dumber” voice). She makes me talk too much. and her laugh feels like home.And her heart is the size of New Jersey, compared to other hearts which may only rival mere cities.

I’m going in the right direction. Relationship or not, Physically succeeding or not, my heart is facing the right direction. Am I ready for the sacrifices? The right direction is a start. Blazing the trail is the task. What am I really made of?

Filed under: Whatever , action, Dumb and Dumber, Heart, Laughter, Love, Sacrifice, Stephanie, Substance, What am I made of?